Psychic Development and Fear

Psychic Development & Fear

Many of us upon the psychic development path can initially feel a bit spooked, our fear of the unknown can often be just that, and dark imaginations can run rampant when we don’t yet understand and have a feel for how things work. Perhaps our fear has some practical applications, when we have fear it is our natural protection and stops us walking before we can run – until it begins to hold us back from doing things that we want to do. Gradually as we come to understand more, it begins to dissolve somewhat and this is done by bringing our fears into the light, into the open, for healing – when we are ready and not before. It can often be the case with spiritual work that ‘the only thing we have to fear is fear itself’. I think we naturally know when it is time for us to face our fears, rather than anyone else pushing us to do so.

Much of our fear is exacerbated by society, ‘don’t do this’, you ‘ought’ to do that, you ‘should’ do this, we all do it from time to time, if only to ourselves. We often unknowingly take away our own ability to choose  and also the choice of others by ‘telling them what to do’, and thus we also take away our freedom which comes from acknowledging that we all have a choice and every choice is valid and ok for that particular person upon their path.  What do you want to do?

Religion has often been seen as using fear as a tool to control the masses, because fear is an easy way to control others, it’s a ‘useful’ tool to manipulate others for those who wish to do so. With the introduction of ‘the devil’ and ‘hell’, it certainly has served its purpose at keeping people in their place. Hell is symbolic to me, rather than actual; hell is a state of mind. It can be heaven or hell here on earth, depending on our very perception and the way that we choose to look at things and process them. 

The dramatic misrepresentation of the actual ‘reality’ of the psychic and spiritual realms, through TV and films, hasn’t done much to allay the fears of those who might be interested in developing their psychic abilities. Ghosts and ghouls do not come accompanied with squeaky violins to peak our fear; ultimately we only have to contend with our own squeaky fearful head voice droning on with ‘what if’s’. It is again more about control of the mind, literally getting a grip and not energising any negative entities by buying into their reality with our own fear!

On a physical level, undoubtedly ‘bad’ things happen in life and I don’t feel that it should be denied either, feelings are there to be acknowledged, but then there comes a time when instinctively we may feel that Now is the right time to move on from nurturing our wounds. Its how we choose to view what is happening that can turn us from victim into survivor.

Creative minds may have more problems with phobias and fear, because our thoughts can run away with us. Often we extrapolate the ‘what if’s’, and our dark imaginations run off into the future rather than staying balanced in the Now, or the present. This is one of the keys with fear, to aim to deal with it as and when it happens. Meditation and focus can help us to stay with positive thoughts in the Now, if the thoughts of the future or past are unrealistically fearful and negative.   ‘I Am the Silver Violet Fire, I AM the purity God desires’ is a mantra which when repeated and focused upon, enables not much else to be thought – whenever the thoughts stray bring them back to the mantra.

If feeling under psychic attack the mantra ‘Kadoish, Kadoish, Kadoish, Adonai Sabeyoth’  (Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God of Hosts) may help.  If you feel something negative around you, send it away firmly with love – they have to go.  They have to leave – just get into your heart centre and push away with love; it’s very effective. You can also call upon Archangel Michael for protection.

Repeating things like this can help us stay focused on the light, by feeling more in control – because when we ‘think’ about the dark stuff and go into fear with it, we are giving energy to the dark. If we think through things that we are fearful of when we feel calmer, we may be able to make more sense of them, rather than when we’re likely to get carried away and scare ourselves silly! It’s like watching a horror film during the day rather than at night! If you are feeling very upset about something and not feeling good in yourself to begin with it is advisable to not even consider doing any psychic work. When we’re upset, we are more open and naturally more vulnerable to having our own dark thoughts to contend with – which may attract a ‘shadow mirror’ of ourselves on the spiritual and the physical plane. So work to address the fears that are apparent and have surfaced to be addressed, on a physical level first, so that they can be transmuted, and only when feeling stronger do the psychic work. 

The Law of Attraction shows us that ultimately everything that we encounter on our path is like a mirror to show us more about ourselves and what is within us, so that we can see. The dark side comes from our own fear and we all have our shadow stuff, we may generally be very good people but there may be the odd condition that we put upon others. When we’re defensive or angry, if we trace it back it’s because at root we’re fearful, we thus need love – love is empowering and fear is paralysing. Sometimes, when we choose to spread fear, we can be saying to another, ‘I don’t think I could handle it so I don’t think you can either’ and here perhaps we either have to see beyond ourselves and recognise the strength within another and ourselves, that we often can cope, it’s just we may ‘think’ that we can’t.  I sometimes think that it is quite ironic that healers may spread the fear, by overly paying attention to ‘what is wrong’ with another, rather than seeing ‘what is right’. Ultimately what is more empowering, healing and uplifting to another?

The ego is the part of us that is derived from fear – whether that be a feeling of being better than another, or ‘not good enough’, it’s still said to come from the ego and doesn’t necessarily have to be about ‘being big-headed’.   We often compare ourselves to another and as we’re learning, it’s natural to do so to help us to get our whereabouts and attain some sort of quantifiable measure of ourselves, such as where do our talents lie. We might then come to a point where we begin to see that by comparing ourselves in certain ways such as ‘quantities’ and value judgements like ‘more talented’, we separate from others. If we are all One, then comparing may put us in a competitive, ‘us and them’ situation, thus disconnecting us from each other. Another way of looking at it is that we are all unique and it just is.

With psychic development, very often the only thing we really do have to fear, is fear itself – the path can mirror back to us our own issues if we pay attention and bring them back to ourselves by asking, ‘what’s it all about for me?’. Then we grow. A common unconscious fear for people is not having control but by bringing it back to ourselves we begin to take control and responsibility of ourselves.  The more synchronicity we experience and the more faith and trust we develop in a Higher Power, it then becomes easier to see that our Higher Power does know more than us and we can let go and stop controlling. At this point we begin to notice there is less fear. We may begin to see the potential silver lining in the clouds and how we can turn round many situations which at first seem ‘bad’ into something that really has been of positive benefit to us in our growth.

Negativity & Judgement

I was musing the other day about the word ‘negativity’ upon the spiritual path. I’ve often heard it said that we should steer clear of ‘this’, ‘that’ or ‘another’, because of the ‘bad vibes’ that are given off. Initially when we start tuning in (to ourselves) and paying attention to our intuition, the psychic element of the root chakra demonstrates to us the nature of duality. We are often presented with situations that we perceive as being black and white in their nature – should I stay or should I go? –  it is our basic fundamental instinct of fight or flight. It is the building block of a foundation where we are beginning to learn to trust whether our instincts are in fact ‘right’ or ‘wrong’.

 

Initially, as we are growing and learning to trust our instincts the action of fleeing from that which we fear gives us the space in which to feel safe and secure so that we can begin to recognise and address what our fears really are.  It is wonderful to be amongst like-minded people and calm environments which support our growth; a loving environment is nurturing, enabling us to flourish so that we begin to develop firmer foundations based upon self-awareness. We may then get to the point where we see that it isn’t always practical to avoid what we may see as the ‘bad vibes’; this is the real world, ‘like it or lump it’. We may wish for a better world, one full of bright, vibrant, fairy-tale colours and happy ever afters, but how can we attain this if our own perception is framed in black and white?

 

As trust in ourselves is gained, we may then attempt to remain a little more open to situations and to see a little deeper into them and often when we do we may see the reflection of ourselves standing there in another, naked and exposed! It can be rather scary when we see ourselves in the mirror of others and our first reaction can be to scapegoat the responsibility for our own thinking, onto others. Taking responsibility for our own stuff isn’t easy. Blaming is.

 

The things that we say, the things that we write about (such as this) are so telling of where we are at, at the time, if we take the time to look at ourselves and what we are in fact trying to tell ourselves.  We can so often be talking to ourselves, if we would only listen.  ‘I hate violence’ could be telling us of our repressed anger which exists inside which given the ‘right’ circumstances could potentially fuel our own anger, if not violence.  If we walked more than a mile in another’s moccasins – let alone a life-time – perhaps we would do the same as that which we judge another for. And perhaps we have done the same, only we really don’t like to admit it to ourselves –  ouch!

 

There comes a time when standing our ground and not fleeing in fear can help us to own the uncomfortable aspects within us that are mirrored back to us by the situations that we find ourselves in, and the people that surround us. Taking responsibility for the way that we choose to see things, and the reality that we can create for ourselves by shifting our perception of something can open up whole new experiences and levels of understanding, both of ourselves and those around us. How liberating it is when we can choose to love someone and accept them, rather than react to them with negativity! When we get into our bodies fully, instead of the blissful space of denial which often exists ten foot above our heads we can really begin to feel how our judgements uses up so much energy, it is a very uncomfortable, exhausting place! And perhaps the one that we judge the most is really our self, we may be ‘not good enough, not worthy’ etc

 

The emphasis of the word ‘negativity’ can say more about the person whose mouth utters it and how they experience something, than it does about anyone or anything else around us. Yet, how many times do we take things, that other’s say, personally and react defensively? It is wonderful to be able to detach from this drama, to just listen to someone else’s opinion as being just that. Knowing that this is just how they view the world or any situation, scenario or person from their perspective is amazing – it is the way that they are seeing things and it can say so much about them, so from our perspective can we ever really say that we are right? Their opinion may differ, we may never really know what it is truly like for them, or saying about them. We can only come back to ourselves and notice what our reactions are and what those reactions and thoughts say about ourselves, which ultimately helps us to access our deeper being. 

 

How often is the word ‘negative’ ever used with the accompaniment of love from our being? I think it is rare, if not virtually impossible.  It can be banded around with an attitude of blame attached, rather than one of understanding. How does that make the one who is judged feel? Perhaps on the receiving end of a self-fulfilling prophecy, that the world really is a bad place and people can’t be trusted. And how does the one who does the judging feel? Not loving, not peaceful and not harmonious, it can be very uncomfortable when we begin to recognise the energy of that within ourselves.

 

As I was musing I watched an imaginary scenario unfold in my mind of the Dalai Lama making a cross with his fingers saying to someone ‘get away from me, you’re too negative’. It was amusing, because it would, I imagine, be out of character for someone who seems such a peaceful, calm man.  Rather, I feel that in that sort of situation if he found himself judging he might endeavour to check in with his own reactions and to find out what button that person was pushing within himself. I iamgine he would take responsibility for his own emotions, his own negative feelings and his own judgement. And so can we all. By checking in with ourselves,  it can  ultimately tell us more about the ties that bind us to a perception which is narrow, fearful and constricting, rather than one which is joyous and liberating. By listening to what we say (and re-reading what we write). Exactly what are we trying to tell ourselves?

 

 

 

Manifesting A Fuller Life

The idea behind manifesting a fuller life is that we write what we would like our life to be about, by bringing the future into the present. For example:

 

Manifesting a Fuller Life

 

Thank you God for allowing me to live my life to the fullest and to my highest potential. I feel so happy, so stable now that I am able to reach out to many others and help them for their highest good too. There are no expectations nor conditions attached that I might impose on others when I meet and interact with them, it all just is and I live in great acceptance of this and continue to live second by second in the flow state of my true hearts desire. My spirit and bodies feel aligned continuously now and I am able to remain happily connected here,  knowing that I will return home soon, and I am content with that. Thank you for allowing me to learn my lessons and act upon them without it influencing my physical and mental capabilities any longer so that I can still work in Service.  I treasure the abundance that I have been open to receiving, for which I am truly grateful so that I can concentrate on my life’s true mission without the distraction of worrying about money or menial problems. With this abundance my partner and animals, children, friends and family all benefit for their greatest good. 

 

I am able to accept challenges and opposition with grace,  I am able to understand what these and other feelings mean to me when I am interacting with others and know what is happening with immediate insight, I am able to better define it and voice and act upon this and everything else that I might need to do in conjunction with communication and loving interactions. I am creative and flexible in all endeavours whilst remaining fully grounded and able to communicate to others whatever it is that I need to channel for them,  at whatever level they best understand, I truly am a gifted communicator and healer, thank you.

 

I stand firm in my self esteem and my own power, and do not seek approval from others but I am content with who and what I am and I can be who I am in truth and sincerity, yet still interact harmoniously. I do not fear other people’s  reactions any more and am able to withstand rejections and criticism with an open balanced mind, with sufficient strong boundaries where necessary and appropriate. I do not feel alone because I know and feel that I am always with you. I have the courage to be who I am in the world without shrinking so that I won’t make others feel insecure.  I refrain from playing power games.  I remain balanced, centred even when faced with difficulties yet remain courageous, humble and without ego, in Divine Service. I surrender to you, and I have no fears. I no longer struggle with fear, negativity and hurt as they have now all been transmuted into a life of joy, love, peace and freedom that also helps others to experience the same transitions. I no longer have a need for all things that are toxic to me, to my health, emotions, friendships and relationships, so that I may enjoy a life where my body feels at peak fitness, any imbalances quickly and rapidly (in this earth plane’s time scale) understood and rectified.

 

Thank you for allowing me the time to write the books that I write, in such wonderful peaceful, tranquil surroundings, fully supported by the Universe. Thank you for allowing me to speak to the hearts of many through these books that have been successfully published and accepted by a great many more people than we could ever have envisaged, enabling them to see your light in the sense that they best understand and that they can implement in their daily routines and lives, as I am living proof too day by day, the books enabling a knock on effect that promotes world peace and harmony in conjunction with all the other light workers who seek to promote this too. Thank you for allowing me to help the animals and to heal them. Thank you for allowing me to teach the people that I teach, all lessons flowing with love and harmony and guided by those in spirit who have the most appropriate information for those attending the classes. I send prayers to the other lightworkers on a daily basis in support of them so that they too can spread their light.  Thank you for teaching me something new each day, for I am a grateful student and I enjoy what I learn.  Thank you for allowing me to see things from a higher perspective so that I do not stand in judgement of others.

 

I am trusting, I am accepting, I am loving, I am gracious, I am humble, I am at One with the Source and the Universe.

 

12.04.04

Hidden Moments of Time

There’s a gentle, serene progression that can be seen in the world, mirrored in my little cat’s footsteps. Her paws softly treading this fine earth as she makes her way towards me. She graces me with her presence because she knows that she can freely both give and receive love and affection. She contemplates in the sun, and then stretches her body out to lie beside the sleeping dogs; every upper inch of her side is exposed to absorb the rays of life. Being there, beside my feet is a choice – her choice. She is respected as an individual and she is accepted for her independence. She can come, and she can go. And by letting her go, she returns, and when she does she brings with her a quiet wisdom.

 

She shows me that to take time out and to be still in this fast paced world brings me more pleasure and satisfaction than achieving what I believe is expected of me from others, let alone my own anxious urgent pushes of “now, now, now”. To sit and think, and to rejoice in the wonder of the still and the quiet of the present, experiencing it as it unfolds as softly as her paws tread. I realise that I don’t want to live my life stealing moments. I want to live each moment accepting that it is mine; it is my right to be in this moment. I don’t want the fear of looking over my shoulder at the past or looking too far ahead to the future. I don’t want to listen to the misguided perceptions that people will say that this moment is not mine and that I should be getting on.

 

A moment of time can reflect our past, present and our future. It is in the hidden moments that pleasure resides, in between the minutes that we jump over and overlook in our intense desire to strive and get on quickly; to progress and gain faster and faster. Is it so that we conform to social pressures? Is this why we skip the moments, the ones where the true secrets lie, and the secret that we are searching for? The ultimate and sustaining sanctity of happiness, the embracing arms of peace where the earth and mankind come together as One and we experience harmony. With one quick blink of an eye, most of us fail to truly see what resides in that moment. Stop! Look! Listen! And learn. Hear what the world is whispering if you dare.

 

To truly see, is to feel what you are seeing simultaneously. To brusquely turn away is to reject and deny the moment. It’s hard, because when that beauty touches us for the first time, a sorrow or anxiety can accompany it. This is to remind us that this is indeed a very special, most significant moment. The message that the sorrow brings tells us that this experience can be alienating and that we aren’t really happy living our lives the way that we have done up until Now. In that moment where we are wide open, we feel free, we can accept and we can be. The sorrow with its attachments wishes that we could be joined by more; many more people and moments like these and the sorrow says that this happiness can’t last forever. It’s given us a glimpse of what we instinctively know to be true, that there is much more to life. It’s worth so much.

 

There’s such an abundance of happiness in these moments that it defies all prior notions of value that we now find are no longer appropriate. Value and its worth take on a new meaning. It’s worth so much to us, yet it is something that we are so eager to share. There is an abundance of it so we instinctively know that we can share without the thought of what it might cost us to do so. It defies financial greed. But we know with sorrow that the world might not be ready, quite yet. It’s unfolding and we are evolving. It starts to creep in upon the road that we are racing along against the cogs of time.

 

The hidden moment, if stumbled upon by accident, can create dissatisfaction if we’re unable to find it again or repeat the experience. It drives us to find the exact experience again and up we get, caught in the quest for fulfilment once again. As the memory of the experience fades – either through misunderstanding, lack of support or a period of withdrawal time – we forget and re-integrate with the majority once more and take on their values as our own once again. We lose the concept, yet something in the background niggles at us. Our search may be a secret from others, hidden away for fear of disapproval because we dare to go against what we are conventionally taught.

 

And as we are racing, our instincts tell us that at this fast pace, preservation is a necessity; that there is a very real reason for fear. It is there to protect us in the form of anxiety, stress, depression and disease. It is our warning sign; the sign to tell us to slow down. Why is it that the cat does not like travelling in cars? Their concept of time does not blend easily with ours; our time scales are seven years apart. We and they become on hyper alert, knowing that at this pace, few of us are equipped sufficiently to cope and at this speed accidents can occur in the blink of a cat’s eye. We must constantly be looking over our shoulders and behind our backs because there’s pressure on us to get to the end, to finish the race, to succeed. It’s highly competitive the human race.

 

But the tortoise knew about tactics when racing against the hare. And the sun knew about the strength of warmth when competing against the strong winds of resistance. But when we’re racing so fast we can keep missing turnings, we don’t see the signposts. We don’t listen to ourselves. The inner voice that craves a moment’s peace goes unheard. Fuelled by the power and destructive energy of anxiety, stress and pain, it can sometimes cause us to race faster and faster, just so that we can get to the end, just so that we can finish quicker. It is one way of doing it. But does the relief of being able to stop overwhelm the joy of achievement? If we’re lucky we might get there, but it can drive some of us straight to an early grave. In our haste, we may forget to turn the corner before we reach the dead end.

 

For others, their significant moment might be an opportune delay. The breakdown is there to warn us that a part of the machinery needs attention. We may ask ourselves why we can’t cope and how to best go about mending and maintaining ourselves in the future; prevention rather than cure, breakthroughs rather than breakdowns. It forces us to stop and think, even if it is for a moment before the garage is called. And if we don’t listen to the mechanic’s advice or our early warning systems, we cannot blame them for lack of information if it happens again. We have to accept responsibility for not listening, and make amends or changes in order to progress once again.

 

If we go down a gear to get up the hill, we place less strain on the car and use less energy; we can freely enjoy the speed again, once we get over to the other side. A car cannot cruise at 60mph forever. Being aware and taking into account the environment and adapting accordingly serves us well. A good driver recognises exactly when it is appropriate to speed up or slow down.

 

And as for the cat meowing pitifully in her travelling basket we may be more inclined to listen to her cries and try to calm her down, than we are to listen to our own inner tears and crying. We might be more inclined to overlook the noise because stress and anxiety are muffling blankets, making it very difficult to hear and interpret what is being said. Our focus is usually on the surface or the top layers of anything. All we initially do as we experience disease is focus on the discomfort of the symptoms.

 

And as the cat arrives home with relief at once again being on stable ground she goes through a routine of re-adjusting. She may tend to her needs by having a wash and calming herself down, or she may withdraw for some peace and solitude as she brings herself back to her centre of balance. She may run and hide in a safe place to cut out any further external stimuli that would only serve to heighten her already bombarded senses. The time taken to centre herself again passes quickly if her private space and time is accepted. She will come out of her own accord. Some of us might wish to offer her comfort out of the kindness of our hearts but this may stress her further. It’s her choice to withdraw, she knows what is best for her and we must respect that. If we disrespect the cat’s own internal voice, it might prolong her anxiety. If left alone, you can be sure that she will acknowledge in some way or another to you, that she has been respected. She returns of her own free will and it’s all the more joyous because we know that she is truly settled again.

 

And as I sit here on the bench in the sun, a little black head pops over the fence. Spooky is a very independent cat, but he has a very special deep loving bond with my partner. When he looks at him, his eyes following him around the room there is pure adoration there. He is adjusting to me and adjusting to his new home and I respect that he is a cat that doesn’t like to be restrained or over-fussed. To do this would only push him away. I acknowledge his independence and know that when he is ready he will acknowledge me as part of his family too. And he lithely comes towards me and jumps up onto my lap, for the second time only since he’s been here.

 

I’m writing, I’m busy, it would be all too easy to carry on, I might lose my train of thought. But maybe those thoughts weren’t as important in the overall scheme of things. Perhaps there is something to be learnt from the message that Spooky brings. It is recognising moments such as these as potentially significant, and this ‘peace’ is meandering around what we can find in these hidden moments of time. So I put my pen aside and I enjoy his attention. He purrs and looks at me with wise green eyes, his paws paddling on my lap in a state of pure contentment and I begin to see the meaning of quality time; the meaning of it, because I really am in it, truly connecting with Spooky in this moment, my attention fully focused. These are not some half hearted absentminded strokes because I am on autopilot. I am there with him, my energy and his combining to bring a more fulfilling intimate connection.

 

And my thoughts wander to how the cat can teach us the joy of simplicity, the delight of simple things. A lavish toy or luxury bed from the pet shop can often be overlooked by the cat for something a lot simpler. It is for our own pleasure that we are buying; the cat can find interest and pleasure in an empty cardboard box, the old cotton reel or the scrunched-up piece of tin foil. Just like the child on Christmas Day that discards the expensive toy to play with the boxes or wrapping paper when the novelty has worn off. Are we fools unto ourselves? Are we living in a world where our actions are dictated by what we think others want or expect?

 

I come back full circle to the intense experience of not only feeling beauty but taking what is rightfully mine in the first place: time. It is there for us, free for all, it is a constant in our lives. You may say “I don’t have the time” but what you also say is that you are denying yourself the time. Time is there for you, for me; all we need do is look at those hidden moments and take the time out of them. This is the recipe for making time. There is no need to steal it. Time is flexible; it can be manipulated to appear as if it is passing very quickly or lengthened so that it passes more slowly. Time can be managed, if we take control of it, by prioritising our own needs and what we would like to get from it. Time can be made; time can be given as a simple but wonderful gift not just for others but for us as well. When we take time into our hands, there lie the secrets of beauty, peace and joy. Be still, like the cat and feel it for what it is; take time.

 

Emma Sims © 2002

 

 

 

Paying Attention to Our Selves

A commonly used phrase is one by which someone judges another to be ‘seeking attention’. Attention seeking behaviour is frequently (incredulously) dismissed and is something which is frowned upon. Perhaps that is because the behaviour of another is ‘manipulative’ and not entirely honest. It might be because the seeker of attention does not yet know how to articulate and verbalise their need for attention in more appropriate ways yet because they have never had a healthy role model to learn healthy behaviour from.

 

A seeker of attention may not have had their need for attention met with a consistent supply of love and attention from those around them, a consequence of which leaves them empty, needy and wanting. Having attention paid to us is a basic human right of which we are all worthy. To not be paid attention can promote shame in the individual. It might be that the seeker of attention does not know how to pay attention to themselves and fulfil their own needs in a self-supporting, independent way. They may never have been taught that it’s ok to pay attention to themselves, because they may have been raised with the expectations that they meet the needs of others around them – because to be a martyr is deemed ‘good and worthy’. 

 

So what if we are one of those people who acknowledge that we do need attention? How often do we stop to really listen to what we ourselves are saying? How often do we do or say something and expect a certain reaction from another, only to find that they do not meet our expectations and we feel disappointed that they did not respond to us in the way that we wanted them too? What needs do we automatically expect another to meet for us that we could in fact meet for ourselves, if only we paid attention to ourselves? Paying attention to ourselves can be about listening to what we are trying to tell ourselves, either mentally or physically through the body. Paying attention to ourselves can be about choosing to be around those with whom there is mutual respect and there is give and take. In this way the relationship is two-way, it goes both ways; there is an even harmonious flow.  To continually pay attention to another – or to feel that we ‘should –  can be to deny ourselves; it’s one way.

 

Is it selfish to pay attention to ourselves? Is it self-absorbed to do so? Perhaps it is only perceived as selfish to do so, by those who are demanding of our attention in the first place, and often they may be the people who do not meet their own needs in the first place either. It can be a vicious circle of co-dependence, rather than one of taking responsibility for meeting our own basic needs and honouring and respecting that others truly benefit from doing this too. Sometimes it is a matter of priority, whose needs are greater? But beware of falling into the pit of martyrdom, where we may egotistically pity those around us and perceive that ‘we know better’ or are ‘more capable’ than they are in taking responsibility for their lives.  In that, we can ‘take over’, rather than letting the other grow.

 

What are our own basic needs? Time is one such need, and how little time we may gift to ourselves. By not doing so, we risk disconnection from our true selves. Do you ever look in the mirror and meet the gaze of someone who you do not recognise staring back at you? Paying attention to ourselves means giving ourselves time to connect to our true self. Paying attention to ourselves is being a friend to ourselves and getting to know ourselves well so that we do not become a stranger in the mirror. Has anyone ever asked you why you do something and you reply that ‘you don’t know’? It may be that time is required, for contemplation and reflection or meditation. Paying attention to ourselves can mean looking after ourselves: considering what we are eating, what we are wearing, listening to what makes us feel good within ourselves. It doesn’t imply vanity at a basic level, but it can be a reflection of how we value ourselves. Do we feel worthy of paying attention to ourselves, if not, then perhaps that is all the more reason to learn how to do so, to increase self-esteem.

 

Fulfilling our own needs requires that we listen to our essential needs and what our inner voice is telling us. That may be time out, a little peace and quiet, so that we may listen peacefully and reconnect with ourselves, rather than continually looking outwards and meeting the needs of all and sundry, with the heavy price tag which is the cost to ourselves. All too often we may be caught up in paying attention to those around us, but what happens when the battery runs flat? When we do not listen to ourselves and take care of ourselves, with self-love and respect, we can soon become weary, or even fall sick with dis-ease. This can be the body’s way of forcing us to pay attention to ourselves; we often don’t, until it’s too late and how ‘selfish’ might that be in the long-run if there are other’s who do depend on us in some way or other?

 

Respecting and honouring ourselves means that when our body is tired, we rest. Respecting and honouring ourselves means that when we are thirsty, we drink. Respecting and honouring ourselves means that when we are hungry we eat. We would not expect a car to run without fuel indefinitely; when the gauge shows empty it is realistic to top the levels up.

 

By giving to ourselves, constantly replenishing and re-charging ourselves, it means that we have more to give to others in the long-run. We can then also consciously decide if those that seek attention will receive our attention, if we have ample supply ourselves to give to another. Manipulation is but a battle for energy which is scarce in both camps and the key to this is replenishment and self-nourishment. Paying attention to ourselves means checking in with ourselves every now and then and asking ourselves, what do I need? What would make me happy? What would I like to do today? Can the other person wait? How easy do we find it to say no to someone else? And if not the perhaps we need to ask ourselves ‘why not?’

 

By paying attention to ourselves, we give to ourselves, and can open ourselves up to receiving too. We can re-parent and heal our inner child, as we start to trust that we can depend on ourselves. We have less need of attention from others because we begin to realise that from others there is a transitory dimension to it. We begin to build deep rooted self-esteem and self-trust and start to realise on a genuine level that we can take good care of ourselves.

Grounding

Grounding is effectively earthing our energy. Similar to the principle of electrical grounding, when we consciously ground ourselves we are making the earth part of our energy circuit. Grounding can help us to centre, realign and realise. It enables us to take in information, make sense of it and process insights and realisations in the present moment. It facilitates understanding through the practical application of knowledge, it helps us to cement, simplify and ‘materialise’ energetic information so that it is easily understood. Someone who is grounded is ‘down to earth’, and speaks a lot of common sense; they are actively in the process of ‘making sense’, i.e. they ‘create sense’ out of that which may at first seem unfamiliar, irrational or illogical to some.

 

When we are particularly open, our energy circuits (meridians or nadis) can become overloaded with energy, such as excitement, shock, anger or high voltage spiritual realisations (light bulb moments) and truth. When there is a high degree of energy coming in, or we are experiencing a lot of stimulation in relation to that which is expended or grounded, it can cause us to burn out or feel overwhelmed if we aren’t sufficiently grounded. It can literally ‘blow our minds’.

 

Grounding can bring us back to a state of balance.  It helps us to be fully conscious in the present moment, which can serve to increase our awareness and intuition.  It is important in enabling us to bring our spirit back to centre by helping us to collect our energy which may be scattered elsewhere in the past or in the future, by thought or incidence. 

 

Grounding is connected to the root chakra, our sense of security and survival, and also to the chakras on the bottom of our feet. When we are grounded we literally feel plugged in, with a slightly magnetic pull/feeling which connects us to the earth. 

 

GROUNDING EXERCISE

 

To ground yourself, place both feet flat on the floor.  Imagine that there are roots growing out of your feet, and much like a tree is stabilised by its root system, see these roots from your feet going down into the centre of the earth acting as your anchor.  Imagine that as the roots go down into the centre of the earth, they are wrapping around a crystal of your choice. Take a deep breath and as you breathe out, feel the energy from your head and the upper part of your body sinking down your body and out of your feet. Feel your feet!

 

This exercise is most beneficial when practiced, at least, as a daily routine. Whenever we feel unbalanced, physically or mentally, for example angry, upset, excited, or worried grounding can benefit us. After a while you may notice that as you are grounding, that your feet begin to tingle and you experience a magnetic pull on your feet, as if you are literally being glued to the earth through the soles of your feet.

 

If you don’t feel a difference by doing this exercise, keep practising or try some of the other grounding activities at the end of this article.  The following exercise can bring home the feeling of what it is like to be more grounded.  Try standing on one leg ~ you might wobble, then after a short while put that foot back down on the ground, feel the foot on the ground. Lift the other leg and have a wobble on that one too. When you place both feet back on the ground it should bring it home to you that sense of being balanced, the weight distribution within the body feeling more aligned, standing upright with more solidity. Your energy should feel more centred and balanced.

 

SIGNS THAT WE MIGHT NOT BE GROUNDED

 

Certain medical conditions can cause similar symptoms, if in doubt about your physical condition, consult your healthcare provider.

 

Physical signs ~ unsteadiness, clumsiness, dizziness, dropping things, falling over, hunger, cravings, headaches, weight gain.

 

Mental signs ~ head in the clouds, dizziness,  flighty,  unfocused, overwhelmed,  lapses in concentration,  dissociation, dreamy, easily influenced by others, unable to stand our ground and assert boundaries, scattered, forgetful, lack of understanding, repeating ourselves,  lack of focus, inattention. 

 

Emotional signs ~ anxious, fearful, hyper, highly excitable, mood swings, emotional outbursts such as anger or tears. 

 

Spiritual signs ~ lack of concrete evidence or experience to fully explain what we are trying to communicate, lack of intuition, weak connection to the Divine, lack of faith, disconnected. 

 

When someone is ungrounded there is often a lightness or thinness to the voice which seems to be coming from, or ‘off the top of the head’, as the energy is more likely to be focused in the head area (‘head in the clouds’). When grounded, the voice sounds fully rounded, or full bodied as we speak from the centre of our being in perfect balance, from the heart. When we are perfectly grounded and centred and able to remain in this place the heart chakra begins to open up further.

 

WHY DO WE BECOME UNGROUNDED?

 

Fear ~ shock, trauma, fear, emotional distress and physical pain can be very ungrounding. When we are frightened and would prefer to be somewhere else, we can as a consequence become disconnected and ungrounded. We may feel as if we have left our bodies or we’re having an out of body experience. Becoming ungrounded can be a defence mechanism to help us to cope with difficult situations – it is a form of protection, a defence mechanism. Practicing grounding can help us face our fears when we feel ready to do so.

 

Excess energy ~ insights and realisations can generate further energy – the light bulb moments of a dawning realisation can be electric so that we literally are ‘buzzing’.   ‘Sparking’, can occur when two people on the same wavelength get together and ‘join forces’. The resultant energy can be synergistic which is why psychic development is enhanced in pairs or groups and also why it is important that a group leader remains adequately grounded in order to contain the energy of a group lest it become overly chaotic.

 

Procrastination ~ can cause us to become ungrounded, if we aren’t taking action by acting on thoughts and ideas that we are having.  Action has a grounding effect as it brings into manifestation what begins at the mental level into the material level, a substantial level which other’s can often relate more fully to. When we meet someone who is unable to convey their truth at a level that resonates with others, it is often because they have yet to ground and fully understand the information, via practical application and experience.   A very simple example for instance, is the grounding action of the thought that ‘we need some milk’. Starting as a thought, we then take action and go and get some. Milk ‘miraculously’ materialises into our reality, at an accessible level which others may be more readily relate to – the energy is put into action. In this way, our truth is materialised.  By endeavouring to walk the talk we begin to fully realise our inspirations.

 

OTHER GROUNDING ACTIVITIES

 

Often we instinctively know what we must do in order to become more grounded.  Trust your body’s response, as long as it does no harm. Essentially, activities which help us to ‘get back into our body’ are grounding exercises, those that help us to cultivate an awareness of the experience of our complete physical being.

 

Crystals ~ holding or carrying a crystal that you feel drawn to around with you such as black tourmaline, black obsidian, red jasper, aragonite, smoky quartz, hematite, boji stones, and bloodstone.

 

Gardening ~ by doing so we release excess energy into the soil which will benefit the plants too, this is probably why some people are green fingered. Feel the energy flowing down into the earth with the intention that it is healing the earth and plants.  As you are gardening and handling plants, consciously let the energy flow out of your fingers and into the plants – feel the earth beneath your feet as you walk.

 

Resting, ‘being’ ~ picture the person who is scurrying around, haphazardly, doing one thing after another, flitting here and there with no time to collect themselves and think about or process what they have done. Taking the time to stop and just be can help us to integrate and ground the experiences which we have.

 

Walking in nature is very grounding, feeling each step beneath the feet connecting with the earth below.  Walking barefoot enhances this connection and walking in general can help us to become more grounded, even if it is just walking around a room.   We can do a walking meditation, walking slowly and connecting each footstep with an inhale and exhale of the breath, consciously feel the energy drain out of your feet as you exhale the breath.

 

Exercise ~running, aerobics, yoga, dancing, swimming etc

 

Stamping your feet – literally, this can help to waken up the chakras on the feet and a simple exercise to suggest to someone who may be ungrounded after a treatment.

 

Eating and drinking ~ fasting can help to raise the vibrations.  If we are not fasting and our vibrations are high enough for what we need at that particular time, we may find that we feel very hungry and feel the need for food to help us ground.   Red meat is thought to lower our vibrations, so this can be effective for grounding; some may crave high carbohydrate foods as its thought that energy work burns carbohydrates.  Others crave chocolate.  If you can’t afford to put on weight, try some other methods – and try drinking some water as dehydration can cause hunger pangs, energy work can be very thirsty work!

 

Good old cup of tea ~ caffeine can be grounding for some.

 

Cooking ~ kneading dough etc

 

Eating Chocolate ~ some people find this works for them.

 

Silver Violet/ Violet Flame mantra – chanting this can be centring and grounding.

 

Colours ~ Wearing black, brown, or red clothes can help with grounding; some even find purple a grounding colour.

 

Cultivating an equal left-right brain balance may also help us to ground. If we’re quite creative and apt to ‘go off on one’, something like a game of soduku can help to re-balance.

 

 

Energy Vampires

Energy vampires are often talked about in psychic and healing jargon and this is referring to a person who is believed to be draining another person of energy, or attacking another person as in the case of psychic attack. In their presence, or at a distance, we may start to feel like our energy or life-force is being sapped away. Being with them may leave us feeling absolutely exhausted. They may be someone who latches on to us very quickly and wants our company often, moaning about this and that, complaining that things are not good enough or when we ‘give them an inch, they want a mile’. When visiting they may well stay past a time that is acceptable without being aware of it, they may ask for advice but never follow it, they could be demanding, wanting something that we have, not taking responsibility for themselves and their own actions and in the habit of blaming everyone else but themselves for the things that go wrong in their lives. They could be someone who makes derisive, sneering comments, cutting people down to a size that they feel able to cope with perhaps so that they feel more superior. They may tell us that certain things are definitely so without seemingly giving us a choice and infringing upon and violating our boundaries.

 

One of the main chakras which can be affected in this sort of situation is the solar plexus chakra; the energy centre which becomes unbalanced by power issues and control struggles (see ‘additional psychic protection’ blog for protecting the solar plexus). The physical sensation of the ’sinking stomach’  where the energy ‘drains’ from that chakra can sometimes also be accompanied by a definite tug,  pull or twinge. It may be that we have tried protecting ourselves by using visualisation of a white bubble, or another psychic protection technique but still do not feel fully protected and regularly feel drained. However, someone can only do this to us if we let them, and by looking at our own perception and by taking responsibility for ourselves we can begin to feel more empowered, more discerning and less drained, by choosing not to become entangled in a web of blame in the first place. 

 

Cutting the Cords

 

Energetic cords are often talked about within healing and psychic circles. These are etheric cords which become attached to us by someone who ‘wants to steal our energy’ and the cord then allows the energy to be leached from one person to another. Some people benefit from the practise of cutting cords. Mentally scan (’see’ or visualise in your minds eye) your body and aura and notice any areas where cords may be attached ~ you may also see who they are connecting back to. Visualise cutting these cords with a beam of white light or perhaps ask Archangel Michael to assist in cutting them. You may notice relief, or a freeing of your energy.

 

Although many people find this technique works for them, don’t despair if you don’t feel any difference or if you only gain temporary relief from this practise. I feel that it is a two way process, that there is something that we are unconsciously getting out of it too and by addressing this we can prevent cords from attaching in the first place.

 

Taking Responsibility

 

By taking responsibility we acknowledge that somehow we’re letting the person do this to begin with and once we become conscious of why this is, we can then take steps to address it. There is often anger and blame attached to ‘energy vampires’, such as ‘they really drain my energy!’, ‘they’re sooo negative’, which in itself is negative and judgemental, rather than being discerning. It could be that we are the biggest drain upon ourselves through the hidden power of our unconscious shadow emotions. It’s often said that we can be our own worst enemies and what we do ourselves is often more difficult to see within. It ‘takes’ more energy to create judgement as it is a more rigid, forceful, reactive energy than discernment, which notices, observes, and flexes appropriately. Appropriate response can sometimes be to take a step back, whilst remaining centred within ourselves and accepting with compassion that they are in that place rather than judging them for it. We can still show that we care for them and their circumstances by the very expression on our face and our words; but to try to save the world can be draining in itself!

 

There can often be very good reason for someone wanting or needing energy so badly, perhaps because they do not know how to pay attention to themselves to generate their own energy. Whilst we do not have to be responsible for giving them that energy, through discernment we can consciously decide whether we want to give someone the energy that they seem to be needing or not – depending on where we are at within ourselves. When we are discerning we can check in with ourselves and run a self-assessment first, deciding whether we have enough energy for ourselves to begin with so that we can give freely and unconditionally to the other without looking for thanks, approval or reward. This is where on a professional level money comes in as a substitute for energy and why we may decide to charge for something, if we cannot continuously give freely.  By this knowledge we come to recognise our own limits rather than making false promises and letting people down. By recognising our own limits we are able to more clearly define them to others, so that they know where they stand with us. In this process we become safer to be with and more trustworthy in the long run because we do not fuel the very negativity that they are probably feeling in the first place.

 

In relation to others, we often instinctively know whether we can get away with something or not, by our very responses towards them. If we don’t think we can get away with something, this is usually down to the person having clear, strong, but flexible personal boundaries. But what of our own boundaries? Are we able to assert ourselves in a centred fashion too and calmly say ‘No’ and ‘Enough is Enough’, when we have had enough? Effective communication and assertiveness techniques can help in addressing this, especially by allowing us to identify areas where we might be overly aggressive or passive. These areas can be the gaps in our protection where we draw people towards us (literally pull on another’s energy) or manifest situations in order to see ourselves more clearly, and to grow as a result of that.

 

It may help us to address why we continue to attract similar types of people, into our lives. Is it a pattern for us, in order to see something within ourselves? The other person can often be mirroring something to us which means that they are doing something which we do too, even if that is only within one area of our life or on a subtle basis – do we do the same in some way? There are times when we won’t go near someone, or do something, because we know that they will not ‘take us on’. That can tell us a lot about ourselves and the energy games that we might play too, what we think we can ‘get away with’ even if that is only with our nearest and dearest!

 

When we do get drawn in, maybe it is because we feel a need to ‘fix’ or rescue the person. This can sometimes be draining through our own sinking disappointment when we have put our energy into finding solutions, only to be told that they’re not the right ones or we are not acknowledged for the effort that we have put in. Acknowledgement can be the payoff that we are looking for and to receive it fulfils our own needs, not that of the other person. It may be that we are looking for approval by helping them, and that’s our payoff. Somehow we have got caught up in their drama and become attached to them too; it’s mutual. What are we a sucker for? ‘I’m a sucker for a sob story’. So who is the vampire, or is it a two way process? Is it actually our own underlying desires and perception which are really draining us in the first place and we are draining ourselves? How do we allow ourselves to get hooked in to begin with? By thinking that the other person ’should’ change or do something differently etc etc etc, rather than accepting them as they are and trusting that they will find their inner resources when they are ready, are we sharing the drama with them?

 

It might be that we have expectations of the person and expectations can create mutual attachments or ’sticking points’ because they are something that we are holding on to, or hoping for.  Expectations are based in the future, rather than in the present and to maintain the focus of energy in the future, takes the energy and our attention away from the present. If you find yourself getting angry, worried or irritated, it’s likely there’s some form of expectation or attachment occurring and these emotions that we ourselves feel (no one can make us feel anything) all consume energy.  By taking responsibility for our choices and by taking control of ourselves and learning to master our own emotions then we can begin to protect ourselves more fully from future reoccurrences of the so called energy loss.

 

Listening to our intuition can help us to discern whether getting involved in a friendship or relationship in the first place is a good idea or not. Paying attention to those first fleeting thoughts and feelings that we have about another can be a guide as to our degree of involvement with them. It is a choice, we don’t have to jump right in and we have a choice in deciding who we do and who we do not ‘let in’ to our lives when we begin to listen and pay attention to ourselves. When we seemingly get it ‘wrong’, it can help us to remember that it is a learning process, and through this we come to understand more. Remaining discerning of where someone else might be at, rather than being judgemental, may be the key to not getting entangled in the drama in the first place.

 

When we consciously think about how we can take responsibility for ourselves, rather than blaming the so called energy vampires we can then look towards how we can go about generating, or replenishing our own energy so that perhaps we may have more spare energy to give away. We can begin to do this for ourselves through looking at our boundaries as a container for our own energy and looking at the areas where we lack strength (our weak spots) where we might be losing energy.

 

Replenishing energy comes about through meditation, energy treatments such as reiki or spiritual healing, praying, taking responsibility, taking care of ourselves by acknowledging our own needs and putting ourselves first where appropriate. If we haven’t got love for ourselves, by taking care of ourselves and listening to our own needs, how can we give love in the first place? Prioritising can result in the wise use of energy, deciding when, where and what we put our own energy into. Knowing that we can be fully present for a person with no expectations can be a real gift to them if we do feel that we can be of help. Sometimes it can serve us to remember the phrases ‘Let Go and Let God/Higher Powers’ and trusting that ‘everything is unfolding as it should’, that we aren’t responsible for everyone else, but we are responsible for ourselves.

 

Emma  © 2007

The Wounded Healer Part I

The Wounded Healer and the Rescuing Healer

 

 

Many healers share a common background, that of the wounded healer, where at some point we may have experienced in one form or another, injustice, suffering or abuse. From the pain that this has opened up, we may find that we can relate to another’s suffering and their feelings of helplessness or isolation and this can promote in us a strong desire or drive to heal others. Having shared similar feelings or experiences, it makes for a connection which can promote understanding and compassion. However, it may help us to serve ourselves by addressing the possibility of imbalances which can occur within relationships where we may feel the desire, or even a need, to heal others.

Do we like to be needed? is the first question that we can ask ourselves.

Do we feel a thrill, perhaps even a sense of power, when we think that we can be of help to another?

Do we think we know best what would help another, without taking their feelings into account?

What issues do we have that still require our attention, what do we have difficulty addressing?

 

However difficult it may be, it may help us as healers to address, or to just be aware of the possibility that by wanting to heal others, we could ultimately still be running from our own unhealed wounds. This is not to negate the stance where it is believed that through helping others, we can also heal ourselves, as this can undoubtedly be cathartic and rewarding. However, to see another in distress can remind us, all too easily, of our own pain that is yet to be fully resolved.

 

Rather than confront our own pain, by looking within, it is sometimes easier for us to want to save the world instead, but as Gandhi said ‘We must be the change that we want to see in the world’, so the responsibility for changing lies within ourselves.  We may want to live in a peaceful world, but how can we demonstrate peace ‘fully’, if we ourselves lack inner peace?  Being in the presence of someone who is at peace with themselves and others can be a healing experience in itself, without the need for the laying on of hands.

 

To be aware of and to know of our own motivations for wanting to heal others gives us a firmer foothold along what can sometimes be a rather rugged path. If this is an area where we are still clouded with pain ourselves there can be underlying influences of not so self-less motives. Hidden motivations can cause us to place conditions upon another, whether we are aware of those or not. We may still have subconscious expectations which can have a knock-on effect on those that are vulnerable which can lead us into territory which is unethical and cause more damage to another than good.

 

An inability to address our own inner pain with courage, clarity and compassion is contradictory of the path that we walk, in the sense that we may not be walking in the path of the truth that we believe. ‘Do as I say, not as I do’ sends out mixed messages, that we lack authenticity and genuineness and on some level that conflict will be perceived by another as insincerity.  We may not be able to side-step this truth forever, it can confront us head-on as obstacles occurring on our path, in an attempt to help us to recognise that we may not be practising what we preach.

 

Admission of our own vulnerabilities and our imperfections, and practising trust of others by sharing these qualities in appropriate circumstances can ultimately build up our own trust in our Self and our sense of self-worth. It’s ok to be less than perfect; it’s grounding to be less than perfect. The admission of such can open up honest communication, trust and understanding and ultimately promote liberation in others too. It’s so much easier once one has taken the steps to admit their weaknesses, for another to voice their own and this sharing can be healing in itself if this is the approach that you choose to use.

 

Emma Sims © 2006

The Wounded Healer Part II

The Karpman Triangle

A drama that we can become entangled in is the ‘Rescuer, Victim, Persecutor Triangle’ (Karpman Triangle). This is where someone (the rescuer) perceives that another (the victim) cannot cope and rushes to assist, or ‘help’ them, rather than taking a step back and giving the other space to take the steps themselves to find their own solutions and by this ‘to grow’. This can be difficult to weigh up sometimes, and often we may rush to help, believing it to be the right thing to do. However, as illustrated by the Karpman triangle, it is often the case that when we have done the rescuing, the person may have a realisation that they could have done this themselves. They may feel ‘cheated’ of the experience, they may feel patronised, any number of reasons which result in them feeling anger towards the rescuer. The victim that once was then becomes the persecutor and the rescuer that once was, as a result of the persecutors anger, then becomes the victim. The persecutor may then feel ‘guilty’ for their anger and seek to comfort the victim, by saying ‘it’s alright etc’, thus rescuing the victim from their own anger – and thus it goes round.

 

In discovering more about ourselves and our interactions with others, you may find it useful to google ‘codependant relationships’ and ‘psychological transference’.  These factors can be entwined in our day to day relationships which when we are aware of them, can help us to de-tangle ourselves, detach from drama and raise our self-awareness. Codependancy can cause us to be overly concerned about the struggle of others or depending on another outside of ourselves to make us feel good, which can provide a sense of well-being, so perceiving that we ‘need’ someone to make us happy. It can occur when our behaviour is determined by someone else, for example if we restrain our behaviour because we fear rejection or disapproval from another.  Transference is characterized by unconscious redirection of feelings from one person to another. Anticipating that just because someone in the past used to shout and get angry at us for doing something, we may presume (transfer onto someone else) that another will also shout and get angry under the same circumstances, when in reality they may not, they are a different person to the person from the past.

 

Other indicators of transference are when we put someone on a pedestal, literally hanging onto their every word,  repeating what they have said parrot fashion to others ’such and such said this or that’ and treating their word as gospel. We may presume that another is perfect, that they are an authority on life,  and take everything that they say very seriously and literally,  rather than tuning into ourselves first, to discern whether what they are saying actually feels right and true for us, and thus ‘owning’ it as our own experience.

Emma Sims © 2006

 

 

 

 

 

The Wounded Healer Part III

Limitations

 

It is also good to be aware of our limitations as a practitioner, by being aware of when we are not able to handle a situation due to lack of experience or without bringing our own issues into it. It may be that it is learning curve for us and we can handle the situation, but we may need to seek a little extra support from someone who is more experienced in doing so.  We may decide to refer a friend or client to another healer/therapist who is better equipped and has had sufficient experience at dealing with that particular issue. We are thus protecting the person from potential damage.

 

Like the paramedic who has to stay calm and detached in the crisis situation in order to do their job more effectively, as healers, clients may experience healing crisis’. To be able to ‘hold’ a person and allow them to express their own pain – or joy – without us interfering with that process by attempting to intervene, justify or reason with it, can work wonders. Walking beside a person on their journey, rather than directing them can be very empowering for another. Something valuable that a friend taught me was that if someone is in the process of releasing something (crying for example), do not move to hug them, let them express themselves and get it out. ‘Moving’, in any situation affects and changes the energy and it may well interfere with the process of letting something go and getting it out. By not moving to another to comfort them, they can stay with their pain, rather than detracting from it by feeling that they have to reassure us that they are ok! (think about it) This can highlight how at ease we are with another’s pain and our own when we are able to just sit and listen to another express themselves fully. It can also be empowering to another in the sense that we trust that they will ok, without telling them what they ’should’ or ‘ought’ to do.

 

If we find ourselves feeling defensive at any time, it may be indicating a need for our security issues to be addressed, thus we cannot say that we have true clarity as a healer or an empath. We cannot be entirely self-less or unconditional, because our own motivations are still driving this reaction within us. By looking at the sort of situations where we become defensive, the type of people that trigger this defensiveness within us, we can then become more aware of when we are re-acting our own past and not able to stay truly centered in the present.  What triggers do we have?

 

When we are able to remain fully centered within ourselves, we can then go in to another’s experience empathically and understand what may be another’s pain. When we’ve dealt sufficiently with our own issues, we can then truly start to listen to others, without the interruptions from our own issues, which may present themselves to us as ‘ifs’ or ‘buts’. As part of the process of learning about and getting to know ourselves, we may find ourselves comparing and making judgments such as ‘well I wouldn’t do that, that’s awful’.  Perhaps we do have to separate ourselves, initially, ‘to see’ ourselves for what we really are, before we can move on from our judgments.

 

We may be able to achieve temporary placing of our selves within the present moment, ‘being in the moment’, from time to time. Recognizing what our dramas are and how they can play out allows us to detach when a similar drama to our own is being played out in another, we can thus be mindful not to embroiled within it once again.

 

‘Struggle is nature’s way of making us stronger’. When we realise that we ourselves have grown through adversity, struggles and difficulties, and wouldn’t change a thing because we truly have grown as a person as a result of this, we are often more able to ‘hold the space’ for an individual. We can do this by calmly acknowledging their discomfort or pain without ‘moving to fix or fade’ their experience. In essence, this would seem to do us out of the role of ‘healer’, but paradoxically it is perhaps where the most powerful healing of all does occur, allowing the individual the space, to heal themselves. We become facilitators for such healing to take place and as always it is a matter of finding that balance within ourselves, knowing ‘when to’ intervene and ‘when not to’. It is probable that even with this awareness we will continue for a while to make our own mistakes on this journey of learning. Conscious awareness is often a result unfortunately, but perhaps realistically, of trial and error.  By taking responsibility for mistakes and learning from them and with the self-awareness of knowing our own limitations we can but pray that our actions are always for the highest good.

 

Emma Sims © 2006