The Wounded Healer and the Rescuing Healer
Many healers share a common background, that of the wounded healer, where at some point we may have experienced in one form or another, injustice, suffering or abuse. From the pain that this has opened up, we may find that we can relate to another’s suffering and their feelings of helplessness or isolation and this can promote in us a strong desire or drive to heal others. Having shared similar feelings or experiences, it makes for a connection which can promote understanding and compassion. However, it may help us to serve ourselves by addressing the possibility of imbalances which can occur within relationships where we may feel the desire, or even a need, to heal others.
Do we like to be needed? is the first question that we can ask ourselves.
Do we feel a thrill, perhaps even a sense of power, when we think that we can be of help to another?
Do we think we know best what would help another, without taking their feelings into account?
What issues do we have that still require our attention, what do we have difficulty addressing?
However difficult it may be, it may help us as healers to address, or to just be aware of the possibility that by wanting to heal others, we could ultimately still be running from our own unhealed wounds. This is not to negate the stance where it is believed that through helping others, we can also heal ourselves, as this can undoubtedly be cathartic and rewarding. However, to see another in distress can remind us, all too easily, of our own pain that is yet to be fully resolved.
Rather than confront our own pain, by looking within, it is sometimes easier for us to want to save the world instead, but as Gandhi said ‘We must be the change that we want to see in the world’, so the responsibility for changing lies within ourselves. We may want to live in a peaceful world, but how can we demonstrate peace ‘fully’, if we ourselves lack inner peace? Being in the presence of someone who is at peace with themselves and others can be a healing experience in itself, without the need for the laying on of hands.
To be aware of and to know of our own motivations for wanting to heal others gives us a firmer foothold along what can sometimes be a rather rugged path. If this is an area where we are still clouded with pain ourselves there can be underlying influences of not so self-less motives. Hidden motivations can cause us to place conditions upon another, whether we are aware of those or not. We may still have subconscious expectations which can have a knock-on effect on those that are vulnerable which can lead us into territory which is unethical and cause more damage to another than good.
An inability to address our own inner pain with courage, clarity and compassion is contradictory of the path that we walk, in the sense that we may not be walking in the path of the truth that we believe. ‘Do as I say, not as I do’ sends out mixed messages, that we lack authenticity and genuineness and on some level that conflict will be perceived by another as insincerity. We may not be able to side-step this truth forever, it can confront us head-on as obstacles occurring on our path, in an attempt to help us to recognise that we may not be practising what we preach.
Admission of our own vulnerabilities and our imperfections, and practising trust of others by sharing these qualities in appropriate circumstances can ultimately build up our own trust in our Self and our sense of self-worth. It’s ok to be less than perfect; it’s grounding to be less than perfect. The admission of such can open up honest communication, trust and understanding and ultimately promote liberation in others too. It’s so much easier once one has taken the steps to admit their weaknesses, for another to voice their own and this sharing can be healing in itself if this is the approach that you choose to use.
Emma Sims © 2006
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